Spirit Swap
by ClairDeLaLuna
Summary: We've all seen the clichéd body swap story. The story where, one way or another, the two main characters switch bodies and have to act like each other. That's not what this is. What happens when Lissa suddenly becomes a dhampir and Rose, a Moroi. How are they going to turn back? How is Rose going to graduate? Title Subject To Change
1. Chapter 1

IT WAS ONE THING TO BE INSIDE LISSA'S HEAD. Although it was weird (and, at times, very unwanted), it was also something I'd grown used to over the years of having the bond. She didn't like it, saw it as an invasion of privacy, so I usually didn't tell her when it happened. I didn't like it much either, but I'd eventually learned to turn it on and off, more or less at will. And, although it was weird, it was also a very useful tool for when I needed to find her, or check up on her when I wasn't around. But this was different. Different, because I had never tried to be inside her head while she tried to get into my dreams.

"Careful there, cousin," Adrian said to her. His hair was messier than usual, but I didn't pay much attention because, well, it was late. If he had messy hair, it was probably cause he'd just rolled out of bed. "You don't need to use that much Spirit. And she may not even be sleeping right now."

If she heard him, though, she didn't listen. She gave another push of Spirit instead, which I did not like. It had a cost on the both of us and, while I wasn't that worried about myself, I didn't want her to go through that again. And this as a lot of magic. More than I had ever seen her use before. Almost as if she was trying to bring back the dead – one of her specialities, it seemed, considering that's how our bond was made.

After a little while, however, I began to feel the weirdest sensation. It was like a thousand pins and needles prickling all over my body. Or like spiders crawling all over me. My breath quickened as the hairs on the back of my neck stood on end. I wasn't sure whether I was even in Lissa's head anymore, too preoccupied by the odd feelings. As if Lissa was healing me, I felt hot, then cold, then hot again, and a wave of nausea roiled through me. With a start, I realised that Adrian's eyes were wide with shock and alarm – apparently I was still inside Lissa's mind.

"Lissa! Lissa stop!" He shouted, grabbing her shoulders. There were no emotions coming from the bond, however, except an odd sense of confusion. Suddenly, I tasted metal and smelled rain. A blinding flash of gold struck me, wrenching me violently from Lissa. I fell backwards, hit my head and, as the prickling intensified, my vision sparkled and swam. I blacked out.

I woke slowly to emerald eyes peering down at me, my body being shaken almost violently. He was saying something, though I couldn't quite make it out. It felt like I was under water. After a few moments, however, my body seemed to solidify and I sat up, startling Adrian. "My head is killing me," I groaned, pushing myself unsteadily to my feet. It was then that I noticed Dimitri standing against the wall with a stormy, troubled expression. My heart rate shot up – that was never a good sign.

"Rose?" There was something off about that. Since when did Adrian call me 'Rose'? I turned to him, confused. His carefree demeanor had given way to a more serious, anxious one. I frowned; hadn't he been with Lissa? And then... there had been a flash... I blinked and expanded my senses, trying to get a feel for Lissa. Only, I couldn't. It wasn't like she was blocking me, or like she was asleep or unconscious. I couldn't feel anything. There was only me – just as it had been years ago.

Panic shot through me and I approached Adrian. He took a couple steps back, probably watching my aura. "Where's Lissa? What happened to her? You were with her, I saw you! I can't feel her anymore! What was that flash? Is Lissa okay? I swear to god, Adrian, if anything happened to her I will kill you!"

Dimitri walked up to me and placed his hand on my shoulder. Electricity shot through me at the contact but his attempt at calming me down didn't exactly work. There was too much panic. Still, it was Adrian who replied, "Lissa is... fine, Rose. She is still in her room. Dr. Olendzki is with her."

I glared at Adrian. "If she's fine, then why is the school doctor with her? And why can't I feel her?"

"Because..." Adrian shook his head, and that little action made me feel more uneasy than anything. "Now isn't the time to explain it. We should go back to her. This is going to be a mess... I need a smoke."

Dimitri nodded, speaking up for the first time since I opened my eyes, "Lord Ivashkov, will you take Rose to see the princess? I need to get Headmistress Kirova and Guardian Petrov," he hesitated. Why did Dimitri hesitate? Dimitri doesn't hesitate. "And Ms. Carmack. She should probably be there, too." The magic teacher? What was going on?

Adrian nodded and looped his arm around my waist, guiding me out of the room before I could protest or ask another question. I soon realised why he had done it – I was apparently still unsteady on my feet. And I felt weird. I couldn't describe it, but there was something... off. I didn't understand it. But, as I quickly noted, my senses seemed to be a lot better. My uneasy feeling doubled, making me feel nauseous. This wasn't good.

"Why were you awake?" Adrian finally asked, lighting a cigarette. I grimaced, turning away from the smell, "you said you saw me with Lissa. How long were you there?"

I frowned, looking over at him. Had his eyes always been that green? God the sun was bright. "I had a nightmare," I finally answered, "I was back in the house. With Mason. And he was blaming me for his death. He was Strigoi." I shuddered, "and I felt Lissa using her magic. Using too much magic. Being inside Lissa's head can sometimes soothe me, so I went to check it out. What was the flash?"

Adrian sighed, taking a drag of his cigarette, "it was her aura. Or maybe it was Spirit. Maybe it was both. I don't really know. All I know is that, just before the flash hit, her aura began to expand and stretch, as if it was reaching."

"Have you ever seen an aura do that before?" I asked, alarmed. Expand and stretch? Reaching? Reaching for what?

"No. I haven't."

An uneasy silence fell over us as we continued to walk. Just before we entered, Adrian stomped out his cigarette, and we walked down the hallway to Lissa's dorm. Immediately I felt nervous, but less tired. All this adrenaline was going to fuck with my sleeping schedule. Once again, I tried to get a feel for her through the bond and god nothing. With a nervous breath, I opened the door.

"Lissa? Lissa, are you o–" The words dried up in my throat.

Lissa sat on the bed, Dr. Olendzki hovering around her with a clipboard, muttering under her breath. She – Lissa, that is – looked the same as she always did. Platinum blonde hair, heart-shaped face, kind jade green eyes. But, then again, she didn't. While she wasn't even close to being tanned, she wasn't anywhere near being as pale as she should have been. She wasn't as thin as she normally was, either. Instead, her body had filled out, giving her curves that no Moroi should have. And, although it was a small thing to notice, she was shorter. She didn't look like a Moroi at all. She looked human. But... I knew she was no human...

"Lissa..." I breathed. Her shocked expression mirrored my own, "Y-You're a... a..."

"She's a dhampir, yes," Dr. Olendzki stated calmly, though she was very obviously anything but calm, "and you're a Moroi, so it would seem."

"I'm a _what?!"_ I half-shrieked, darting for the bathroom to look in the mirror. I didn't want to believe it, didn't want it to be true, but... it was all there. My skin was pale, though in reality I was tanned for a.. Moroi. I was thinner, too, having lost my curves. Although muscular for a moroi, I had lost a good bulk of my muscles as well. I was taller, too, not that I was complaining about that. I had always hated being 5'7. But the most obvious sign of my newfound transformation was the fangs.

"Shit." I gasped, running my tongue over them experimentally with wide eyes. Then, a thought occurred to me. Or, well, several did. "Shit!"

"Miss Hathaway! Mind your tongue!"

I spun around – faster, I realised, than I should have been able to. It made me a little dizzy – to see Kirova looking at me with a disapproving expression on her vulture-like face. A million thoughts flitted through my mind, but two stuck firmly. Well, as miss Carmack appeared, three.

"Rose?"

I glanced over Kirova's bony shoulder, looking at Dimitri and Alberta, both of them seeming very confused and concerned – I guess that explained Dimitri's expression back at my dorm – but it was Adrian who actually brought me out of my daze. "You should probably sit down, little dha– uh, Rose."

I nodded slowly and shuffled out of the bathroom to take a seat by Lissa. As if sensing my distress, she wrapped an arm around me.

"It'll be okay, Rose. They'll take care of it. They'll know what to do."

I sincerely doubted that. I suspect she did too. But I didn't actually know, and that bothered me.

Dimitri and Alberta took up strategic positions against the walls, while Kirova paced so quickly it was making me nauseous. I had never seen her so wound up before. But, then again, something like this happening had... never happened before. As far as we were concerned, anyways. Adrian watched Lissa and I with an odd expression on his face – something between concern and fascination, I think – while Dr. Olendzki kept inspecting us, mumbling things under her breath as she noted them down on her clipboard. It was Miss Carmack, surprisingly, who took control of the situation.

"We need to start from the beginning," she said, grabbing a pad of paper and a pen from Lissa's desk, "Princess, you start. What happened?"

Lissa took a deep breath, "well, Adrian and I were practicing Spirit. He was trying to show me how to dream walk. You know, where you enter the other person's dream. I tried to do it with Rose, and I thought that if I kept calling the Spirit to me, I'd eventually get it to work. And then... it was the weirdest thing. I felt a sharp pull, I began to prickle and tingle, and... it felt like the magic had suddenly... exploded? Like, it swelled. And then there was a flash, and I passed out. When I woke up, Adrian had gotten Dr. Olendzki for me, and was leaving to go find Rose."

"Rose? What about you?"

"I-I..." I hesitated. I wasn't going to bring up the dream. "I had been dreaming, but woke up. I felt Lissa using Spirit – using a lot of it. Using too much. Sometimes, I can slip into her head, to experience what she was, so I decided to check out what was going on. When I did... it was really weird. To be inside someone's mind while they're trying to reach yours? Weird. She gave another push of magic – that may have been the pull she described – and then it felt like... well," I glanced over at Dimitri, not sure what I was looking for. Whatever I was looking for, I seemed to find, because he nodded and I continued, "I was both in her head and in mine. I felt what Lissa described but also... I felt pins and needles, or maybe spiders, all over. My hair stood on end. I felt nauseous. Hot and cold and hot again, as if she was healing me. Tasted metal and smelled rain. And then, I saw a blinding flash of light, was wrenched from her head and fell off the bed. The prickling feeling increased, there were sparkles in my eyes, and then I passed out. When I woke up, Adrian was leaning over me."

"And Lord Ivashkov?" Miss Carmack asked, addressing him as she continued to write all this down.

"Like Lissa said, we were practicing magic. I saw that she was using too much magic and tried to warn her. But then I saw her aura begin to swell and expand, as if it was trying to reach for someone – maybe Rose. I tried to get her to stop, tried yelling for her, but then there was the flash of light and I was knocked against the wall. The light disappeared suddenly, and when it did, Lissa no longer had gold in her aura, and she was no longer a Moroi. Instead, she was a dhampir, and shadow-kissed to boot. I got the doctor here and ran to check on Rose, bumping into Guardian Belikov along the way." He cast a look towards Dimitri, "being her... mentor, he decided to come with me and, when I arrived, Rose was passed out on the ground, a Moroi with a golden aura."

I froze. Golden aura? "The... we... I'm a spirit user?"

"It makes sense," Dimitri said slowly, "the bond seems to be in tact, if Lord Ivashkov's words are true. The Spirit needed to go somewhere... so... the bond reversed itself."

No one spoke for a good minute. I stared at Lissa in horror. How were we going to fix this? What about my training? I needed to graduate still. I couldn't be a Moroi! Moroi weren't Guardians. Moroi drank blood. There was no fucking way I was drinking someone's blood!

"It's not that bad, you know," Lissa murmured to me, "drinking blood."

_You **would** say that_, I thought. She cracked a smile. Well, it seemed Adrian and Dimitri were right about one thing: The bond was still there.

"How are we going to tell the Queen that we turned the last Dragomir princess into a dhampir?"

My head darted up to look at Kirova in alarm. "You can't!"

She turned to glare at me, attempting to hide the panic in her eyes. Yeah. This was a weird night. "Oh, and why not, miss Hathaway?"

I tried to keep my tone calm. If I yelled at her, she'd never see reason. "We've had enough issues with Queen Tatiana. She can't know about this, not yet. Please." I begged. Her face softened – I don't think she's ever heard me say please before, "Please. Just give us a... give us a month to figure this out. Not even. She can't know. Not yet. Don't tell her."

Kirova sighed and shook her head. Whatever sympathy she was feeling when her face softened as gone. "Very well. You have one month, Hathaway! And that's it!" She turned on her heels and walked out of the dorm, followed by the doctor. That's when I noticed Miss Carmack's disapproving look. That, and Alberta, Dimitri and Lissa's thinly veiled amusement. Adrian, of course, was simply laughing.

"What's so funny?" I grumbled darkly. This had been a stressful night – I didn't have the patience to deal with much more of anything.

"Don't do that again," Miss Carmack said sternly, furthering my confusion.

"Do what?"

Lissa finally cracked, "Rose, you just compelled Headmistress Kirova."

"What?" My eyes widened, "no I didn't!" 

"Actually," Adrian laughed, "yes, you did. Good job, little dhampir."

I shook my head. "I guess she did seem to see reason rather quickly... but compulsion can't really be _that_ easy, can it?" Lissa continued to laugh along with Adrian, while miss Carmack looked ready to bust an artery. I had never seen her like this. Weird.

"_That easy_'? Compulsion isn't easy at all! And it's forbidden, Rose. Even a dhampir would know that. I don't know you stumbled on it so quickly but you mustn't do it again."

'_mustn't'_? "I don't even know how I did it!" I protested.

"Miss Carmack," Lissa frowned, "don't you remember? Spirit users have much stronger compulsion than other Moroi. She really didn't mean to do it. I-I... I can feel it." She seemed disturbed by this fact and I couldn't help but feel bad for her.

"You get used to it," I said softly, "sorta. Hopefully you won't have to get too used to it."

"Oh god," she groaned suddenly, "I won't have to deal with your sex life, will I?"

Dimitri cast an alarmed glance at me and I felt my cheeks heat up in memory of the lust charm. I instantly tried to force those memories away, but not quick enough. Lissa gave me a very confused, very suspicious look, making me look away. She glanced between Dimiti and I and, although I tried to keep the guilt off my face, I wasn't so used to having to mask my feelings from myself. With a heavy sigh, I cast a thought towards her:

_Sorry, Liss. Guess we have a lot to talk about later, huh?_

"Yes," she muttered back, "we really do."

More for the benefit of the others, I shook my head, "Nah, contrary to popular belief, I'm still a virgin, and I'm not changing that anytime soon. I mean, who has the time? Between my trials in th-" I froze as, one again, my training occurred to me. I cast an alarmed look towards Alberta and Dimitri, "Guardian Petrov, Dimitri, what about my training? What about classes? How are we going to keep this a secret from everyone else? I assume Kirova doesn't want everyone to know about this, since Spirit is still a secret and all. I mean, this is a pretty obvious screw up. And we can't stay like this forever! She's the last Dragomir. She _has_ to be a Moroi. _My_ Moroi. I have to be a dhampir to be her Guardian. This can't be happening!"

"Rose..." Dimitri started.

Lissa, on the other hand, had another thought. "Wait, so I'm confused. Does this make Rose royal?"

Surprisingly, it was Adrian who responded, "of course not. I think... if Rose's Moroi father isn't Royal, then she wouldn't be. Besides, race change or not, you have your own blood still. Lissa's still the Dragomir princess and Rose is still Rose. She's just...not a little dhampir anymore."

"Thank you, Lord Ivashkov. And, as for your training..." Alberta hesitated, deliberating for several moments, "we will speak to Headmistress Kirova, but it would seem the wisest option would be to remove you from all classes until further notice. Both of you will train with Belikov and practice with Miss Carmack, learn more about the bond maybe. In the meantime, you will do the work from your own classes and work on figuring out how to turn yourselves back. Hopefully we can get this mess sorted out before you are due to start your field experience, Rose."

Miss Carmack nodded in agreement, "this seems wise. But, if I may ask, Guardian Petrov, why do you want both Princess Vasilisa and Miss Hathway to train with Guardian Belikov."

I answered, "I think... I mean, I have more muscle than most Moroi girls from my training as a dhampir. So I don't want to lose that by not training when I turn back. And I'd go insane if I couldn't train. Especially since I've only caught up recently. And Lissa... well, she's a dhampir right now. So it's probably a good idea to teach her some basic training. As a dhampir." That, and it really couldn't hurt for a Moroi to learn some basic self-defense. When I told Alberta what had happened back in Spokane, part of the reason we got into that mess was that Christian and Mia had frozen, unable to fight back. Maybe if Lissa could learn some self defense, if we were put into that situation again, maybe she wouldn't freeze like they had. Lissa cast a sympathetic look at me as I recalled the capture and I grimaced. No wonder she hated the bond. How was I supposed to protect her when she could always know what I was feeling?

"You can't," Lissa said to me, "protect me, I mean. You're not supposed to. What's it you Guardians say? "They come first"? Well, you're the Moroi now. It's my turn to protect you." Alberta, Dimitri and I all made a similar face.

"Lissa, don't say that. The mantra. It's... it's weird. Not natural. Plus, it's different."

"How?" She challenged, crossing her arms. That threw me off – it was very much a gesture I would make. Well, that I _had _made. Many times.

"Because for you, being a novice is only temporary. A change of scenery. A fun new experience. For us, for me... it's a lifestyle. It's who we are. "They come first" isn't just a string of words. It's our code, our law. Everything that we are. It means backing down from a fight the moment a Moroi is threatened. It means giving up the sun because the Moroi can't handle it. It means letting others bully you without bashing their face in because getting kicked out would take me away from you. It means taking the fall for you, lying for you, because I couldn't let them hurt you or take you away. It means worrying more about you, or about Moroi, than for me. It means dying for you without even a second thought. It means..." I chanced a glance towards Dimitri and simply thought the words: _it means giving up the only man you'll ever love because we must dedicate our lives to you, and not each other_, "it means telling you only what you need to know. Lying about my own feelings, hiding my own pain, because your needs are stronger. Keeping secrets like Miss Karp from you because you didn't need to know. It means throwing myself at two Strigoi, knowing they'll kill me, so Mason could get the Moroi out. It means giving up _everything_ to protect someone else." As I said this, not looking anywhere but at my hands, the memories flashed through my mind. Everything from the accident until now. But I wasn't sad, not really. I was proud. "And that's the thing, Lissa. I don't regret any of it, not really. I'd do it all again and again. I've seen a Strigoi. Hell, I've seen three. And I really do want to spend the rest of my life – however short it may wind up being – to protect you from them. And I don't mind giving it all up – the sun, love, my choices, my life – to save you. I'd do it every single time."

When I finally glanced up from my hands, Lissa was in tears and Adrian and Miss Carmack were pale. Well, pale for a Moroi. I don't think they ever truly realised how much Guardians really did for them, how much they really gave up. Alberta and Dimitri, though? I don't think I've ever seen them look more proud.

"The sun, love, your choices, your life... and your sanity." Lissa whispered, "you take the darkness for me. Even though it destroys your mind, just as it does mine. I never realised before.. but I can feel it. I can see.. can see the Badica attack... feel how much you didn't tell me when you found me in the library... You were in pain, and you hid it from me, so I wouldn't worry... Rose..." I shook my head, trying to ignore the memories of the house. The bodies. The message: _Poor poor Badicas. So few left. One royal family almost gone. Others to follow."_

I shuddered but put on a brave face, even as memories of the children, laying dead on the ground, swam to the forefront of my mind. "yeah, well, it doesn't matter. I'm going to be your Guardian. It's what I do." I yawned. Even adrenaline had it's limits, and I was exhausted. Between nightmares and the Spirit backlash, I just wanted to go comatose for a few days.

"Guardian Petrov? Miss Carmack? Can Rose sleep with me tonight? Just for one night, I promise." They hesitated.

"We can go back to my dorm," I offered, "since there are so few female novices." I couldn't recall if they had gotten Lissa a new roommate since Natalie. If they had, they'd probably gotten rid of her to practice Spirit. Probably through compulsion.

"Alright, fine," Alberta sighed. This time I knew it wasn't compulsion; I hadn't looked her in the eye, "but you're to return to your own dorm immediately after training, Princess."

"Thank you, Guardian Petrov."

"Guardian Belikov will escort the both of you. Lord Ivashkov, please return to your own housing." Alberta moved to walk out of the room, but not before adding softly to me, "oh, and Rose? Figure out how to use that compulsion of yours. If anyone sees you, you're going to need it. Goodnight Rose, Princess." And she was gone, followed by Miss Carmack and Adrian. I waited for Lissa to gather a couple of things before I realised something.

"Lissa," I frowned, "I think Spirit adjusted our own clothing when we... transformed. Somehow. But the rest of my clothes won't fit me. We'll need to switch wardrobes. Do you have any work out clothes?"

"Uh... I have shorts? And tank tops?"

"That'll work."

She gathered a couple things and, followed by a silent Dimitri, we were off. As if her newfound dhampir blood called for it, she started walking in the sun, basking in its warmth (although it really wasn't that warm at all.) I, meanwhile, was confined to the shade. However, even her joy at being in the sun (and my subsequent misery at how weak and nauseous I felt, even in the shade) couldn't distract her for long. She stopped, startling both Dimitri and I, and stood in front of us.

"So," she stated, hands on her hips with a stern expression. Dimitri and I shared a look, surprised at how much of a "Rose Hathawway" type gesture that really was, "How long have you and Rose been together?"

Dimitri coughed, caught off guard by the sudden question. He shot another look towards me and I sighed. "She knows, Dimitri. When she asked about my sex life, I couldn't help but think about the.. uh... lust charm." He sighed and ran a hand through his hair. Not for the first time, I was struck by how acute my Moroi senses were. Oh god, if I had thought his aftershave was intoxicating before... Lissa laughed.

"What?"

"She thinks you smell good."

I groaned, "can you make me sound any creepier, Liss?" But, to my surprise, I swear Dimitri was blushing. For the record, so was I. But I also wasn't feeling very well. At all. "Can we keep moving?" I asked reluctantly. Lissa was so happy to be in the sun, I hated to take that away from her. But she was right about one thing: the Guardian mantra _was_ "they come first" and, while I hated to admit it, in this case I really _was_ a Moroi. "I don't feel well."

Guilt crossed her face and she nodded, and we continued on our path to the dorms, "anyways, to answer your question, Liss, we aren't really together. Not technically. We can't be. But... the feelings are there, as much as we try to deny it."

"It's not easy for you, is it?" Lissa asked.

"No," Dimitri sighed, responding before I could. I could tell that this conversation made him feel uncomfortable, "but we have to. It's more than just my age, or my position as her mentor... we will both be guarding you someday. If I'm worried about her..."

"If he's worried about me, then he'll throw himself in front of me, not you." I sighed, "so we ignore it as best as we can."

"You shouldn't have to do that. Give up love for me." She frowned. I shrugged.

"It's what we do. Our entire lives are dedicated to the Moroi. To protecting you. And, like I said, I don't mind. You know that."

"Yes you do. Sometimes you get so angry at what Christian and I have, at how there's nothing to hold us back, while you burn with love and can't express it. You can hide it all you want, but I can feel that there, too."

This time, I was uncomfortable. I was saved from responding, however, by a very angry and very confused dorm matron. "Rose Hathaway! What are you– huh?"

Eloquent.

Hastily I caught her eyes. How the hell do I do this? Well, here goes nothing. "You see nothing unusual," I said, feeling awkward as Lissa and Dimitri watched. I tried to use a similar tone to what Lissa usually used. I began to sweat nervously, trying to force my will on her. Much to my delight, her face grew slack, eyes glazing over. Cool. "You didn't see us come in. Forget what you saw. Uh... n-nod if you understand." She nodded, to my relief, and I released the compulsion. She blinked but didn't see us as we continued past her. I realised, then, that I was shaking, and my nausea had increased. I stumbled, but Lissa caught me. Dimitri wrapped an arm around my waist, helping me to walk and keeping me upright. I felt like I was in a daze.

"Rose? Roza, what's wrong?" he asked anxiously. Since when was Dimitri anxious? I didn't answer, trying not to pass out.

"She's hungry," Lissa said instead, "hungry and exhausted. That's twice she's used compulsion now, and this time it was a lot harder because dhampirs are hard to compel. And she's never had to feed before." They got me to my dorm and sat me down on the bed, while they stood around, trying to decide what to do with me.

"We have to get her blood somehow." Dimitri said.

"Should we get a feeder?"

Lissa was really pretty as a dhampir. "No, too risky. What if someone sees? They're in the Moroi dorm room. Someone would notice." But Lissa didn't really look like Lissa.

"Then what?"

No, I decided, she didn't really look like Lissa at all.

"One of us needs to feed her."

She looked better as a Moroi.

"I'll do it."

For that matter, I looked better as a dhampir.

"Are you sure, Princess?"

I missed my curves. And my muscles. And my tan.

"Yeah. After all the times she had to feed me? It's my turn to return the favour."

Maybe it was a bit vain, but – wait. Hold on. What? "Oh hell no!" I jumped up, only to waver and basically collapse back onto the bed. The nauseous feeling doubled but I ignored it again, "there is no way in hell I'm drinking blood! Especially not from either of you!"

Lissa came and sat down beside me, Dimitri near by. "Rose, you have to. You know what happens when a Moroi doesn't get blood. It's just for tonight, then we'll talk to Kirova and figure something out."

"But..."

Lissa took my hands, looking at me. I couldn't remember a time when she looked so serious. It was weird. She almost looked like a real Novice. "_They come first_, right Rose? And in this case, the "they" is you. This time, you're my Moroi and I'm your dhampir." I'm pretty sure my expression matched hers, "it's weird, but with us, weird doesn't even begin to cover it. So just... let me take care of you for once. Okay?"

"But...!"

And then she bared her neck to me, and all coherent thought flew out the window. Because I could _see_ the blood gushing through her veins. And, oh god, I could _smell_ it. The blood. Before I could even think about what I was doing, I had bitten into her neck. I heard her give a soft moan, but didn't care. I was too lost in the blood. And then, as my mind cleared and the nausea left me, I pulled back, looking at my dazed, high best friend.

"Yeah," I said to her, "I know." I gave her an awkward hug and stood up, moving to get a snack from the mini cooler in the corner of my room. You're not technically supposed to have one, but you'd be surprised at what you could get away with when your best friend was the last Dragomir princess and a Spirit user. I grabbed a box of milk duds – who knew I still had these? - and tossed them to her. She started to eat them.

During all this, I didn't dare look at Dimitri. I was too afraid of what I'd find. Would he be disgusted by what I'd become? Did he still find me attractive? Would he be afraid? After all, the only time a dhampir ever had fangs was when they were Strigoi and not a dhampir at all. Not that Dimitri was afraid of Strigoi. Dimitri wasn't afraid of anything.

Well. Except for that time when Natalie had knocked me around, and he'd had to save the day. Death in a cowboy duster. Lissa gasped and I looked at her in confusion.

"Sorry, I just... never saw Natalie when she was Strigoi. I wasn't ready."

I shook my head, "yeah. Neither was I," I sighed, moving to the bathroom to wash my face and brush my teeth. I wanted the taste of the blood (even though it tasted good, much to my horror) out of my mouth. I couldn't help but stare at the fangs again, memories of my capture, of Isaiah drinking from Eddie, coming to mind. I yelped when strong arms wrapped around me, only relaxing when I smelled Dimitri's aftershave. God, that would never grow old. I tilted my head up to look at him – even though I could have easily just looked in the mirror. "Comrade? What're you doing?" I asked.

"Oh, Roza..." He sighed. I shivered and he held me closer. I think he thought I was cold. Really, I just loved it when he used that name. "Lissa told me how you were feeling. How could you think I'd be disgusted by you? Moroi, dhampir, it doesn't matter. You're still Roza."

In the mirror, my pale cheeks flushed "but... the fangs... the feeding..."

"An unfortunate side effect. One you can't control. Do you think I look down on the Princess for needing to drink blood?" 

"No, but..."

"Then why would I look down on you?"

"It's different. She's a Moroi..."

"As of right now, so are you."

I looked away. "It's different," I repeated. He sighed again.

"Roza, Roza, Roza... It doesn't matter whether you're Moroi or dhampir, you're still my Roza. You still act the same, think the same, speak the same... you look a little different, yes, but looks are superficial. I didn't fall in love with you for your beauty. I fell in love with you for... everything that makes you, you. Your bravery, your boldness, your passion, your dedication, the way you understand your duty better than any other novice your age and even some guardians twice your age, your ability to understand _me_ better than even my own mother at times... those are the reasons I love you. Those are the things that make you, you. That make you beautiful."

"Dimitri..." I could have cried. I might have started to. In fact, I really wanted to. A lot. I could feel it swirling inside me. Everything swirling inside me. My anxieties, my fears, the disgust, my memories. It took me a few seconds to realise what was going on. "Oh..."

"Roza?"

"Can... can we go sit down? Please?"

Although confused, he released me and lead me back out to Lissa, who immediately pulled me into a hug. She knew. Of course she did. "I don't know how to take away the darkness, Rose. Not yet. I'm sorry." Dimitri looked at me worriedly.

"Don't you dare. I'm the Spirit user now, this is my burden to bear."

"I'm your shadow-kissed guardian now. I have to protect you."

"This is only temporary. No you don't."

"Will one of you please explain what happening?"

Lissa turned to Dimitri before I could stop her. "The Spirit use is bothering her. It's making her depressed. Like it used to make me."

Seeing his face, I added, "nowhere near as bad, though. I won't cut myself or do anything else, I swear." He didn't seem convinced, but it didn't matter cause I yawned again, my jaw cracking. I was dead on my feet.

"Rose is tired," Lissa stated firmly, surprising me, "she needs sleep before either of us train with you tomorrow morning."

"I'm fine." I lied.

"No you aren't."

Dimitri nodded and took the hint, pressing a kiss to my forehead before bidding us both goodnight. The door closed behind him with a click. Lissa and I crawled into bed and I reached over to flick off the light. "I'm not looking forward to you slipping inside my head," I murmured. In the darkness, she gave me a sheepish smile.

"I already have. A few times. Though they were short."

"When?"

"The first time was when you thought the bond was gone. Then when you found out you were Moroi. Then when you were thinking about blood the first time. Then your training. They were only brief moments, but... wow. So weird."

I nodded, fighting a smile, "but useful at times." I yawned. "Hey, Liss?"

"Mm?"

"Thank you for... well, everything I guess. Y'know, letting me feed from you and telling Dimitri."

"You really love him, don't you?" I can feel it."

"Yeah. I really do." 

"I hope you two find a way to be together."

"Me too... it was weird, though, seeing you all protective of me. I'm not used to it." She laughed slightly.

"Yeah, well... your speech really struck a chord with me. I knew you'd given up a lot for me, but I never truly... never truly understood, I guess. I only ever saw a part of it. And it made me thing. Even if I'm only a dhampir for a month, or even less... I should treat this like a real thing. Like I'm really your dhampir and you're really a Moroi. Like I'm really going to be a Guardian. Not just to repay you, but to show my respect to the entire dhampir race. To the ones that have died, or that will die. To the men who will never have children, most likely. To the women who are forced to make the decision – raise your children in disgrace or become a Guardian and don't raise them. To all of them. While I might not have had it "easy", I still have a lot of privilege, not only as a royal but as a Moroi in general. At least I had choices. At least I didn't have to worry each day about whether or not I was going to die to save someone else. If I don't take this seriously... if I don't truly live as a dhampir does, then... I'm disrespecting the entire race."

I was speechless. And in tears. A part of me wanted to say that no, it wasn't necessary, but... well, what harm could it do? It couldn't hurt for her to realise how much us dhampirs did for her, for Moroi. Even for just a little while. "This is going to be a weird month," I mused.

"Yeah, but with us? Weird,"

"Doesn't begin to cover it," I finished, smiling sleepily. We lapsed into silence, and soon, I fell asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

MORNING CAME FAR TOO QUICKLY in my opinion. It felt like I had only just closed my eyes when my alarm started blaring out a song that I didn't actually recognise. Not at first, at least. And then I realised it was that Avril Lavigne song. Hello Kitty. Ugh, didn't they ever get tired of playing that? It was good the first few times. After awhile, though, it got annoying. Very annoying.

"C'mon, Rose, we gotta get up," Lissa yawned beside me, prodding me. I didn't respond, thinking that maybe she would think I was still asleep, "I know you're awake. I can feel it." Damn.

"Damn him." I groaned, slowly rolling out of bed. And by rolling out of bed, I meant that literally. I groaned again as my body hit the ground with a thud. I was so not a morning person. Lissa peered over the edge at me in confusion and slight concern, and I stuck my hand up to say that I was fine before pushing myself upright, licking my lips in disgust. Ugh. Morning mouth. "I'll be right back," I yawned, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, "M'gonna take a quick shower." If there were ever a day for me to start drinking coffee... I trudged my way over to the bathroom and turned on the shower, stripping down and hopping in. The hot water helped wake me up and, after washing and conditioning my hair (thankfully unchanged by the transformation) and washing my body, I got out and dried off. I brushed my teeth, careful of my new fangs, before making my way out of the bathroom with the brush. Lissa stood there, holding out the work out clothes (and a pair of underwear and a bra) she'd brought for me.

"Thanks," I said as she passed me, taking her turn in the shower. I dressed quickly, pulling my hair up into a messy bun. I rummaged through my own drawers, pulling out a bra, pair of underwear, and some work out clothes for Lissa. Normally, she and I would never share underclothes. Not with each other, and not with anyone else. However, in this situation, neither one of us really had a choice. It was gross, but you did what you had to do, right? She wasn't long in the shower, and when she exited (wrapped in a towel, much like I had been), I passed her the clothes. She made a face but otherwise said nothing, returning to the bathroom to change.

"You're going to want to wear your hair up," I advised her when she returned again. Seeing her wear my clothes was one of the weirdest experiences of my life, "either in a ponytail or a bun. It'll get in the way otherwise." She nodded and put it up in a ponytail. I grabbed the work out bag (surprised at how heavy it actually was, but made no complaints) and two water bottles, filling them up before throwing them in the bag with a towel. "Alright," I sighed, checking my phone, "we're going to be late. But he's kinda used to that by now."

We left the dorm and headed down to the gym. Although the sun bothered me, it wasn't as detrimental to me as it had been last night – since it'd be going down soon anyways. When Dimitri saw us, he did a double take. I think he'd been convinced that last night had been a dream. I didn't blame him.

"Sorry we're late, Guardian Belikov," Lissa apologised. He chuckled and I put the bag down, sweating already. Oh, this was not going to be fun.

Dimitri stood in front of us. I could tell that he had no idea where to start. Finally, he glanced back towards the track and I resisted the urge to groan. Not this again. "We'll start with laps," he said, and although I loved his voice, I hated his words. "There are 3 laps to a mile. Princess, we'll start with 12 laps, Rose..."

I scowled, "No way. If she's doing twelve laps, then I will too," I stated firmly. I hated the laps. I hated him going easy on me even more, though. "You're not going easy on me just because I'm a Moroi."

He hesitated, then nodded. "Don't push yourself too hard, Rose. If you're going to pass out, stop. Your pride isn't worth your health." I disagreed, but nodded anyways. We started to stretch, though the both of us had to show Lissa a few, and started on the track.

I could see him keeping a worried eye on me, as did Lissa, but I ignored it. The sun was bothering me, I felt weak and nauseous again, though not nearly as bad as I had when it had been high in the sky. I was struggling to breathe a little, the cold air piercing my lungs. Still, I wouldn't stop. I had to keep going. It was on the ninth lap that my legs gave up – quite suddenly, the bastards – and I wound up collapsing. Lissa and Dimitri were at my sides immediately.

"Rose, I told you," Dimitri chastised, helping me up. When it became apparent that my legs weren't going to hold me, he sighed and lifted me into his arms. Why was it that, whenever he wound up carrying me, I felt like shit? Why couldn't I actually enjoy being in his arms for once? Lissa cracked a smile at that but was too worried to otherwise respond. We went back inside, where she passed me one of the water bottles and a granola bar that Dimitri had found for me, both of which I downed quickly.

"Sorry," I grumbled, "this stupid body... can't handle a little sunlight..." I forced myself to stand and, although my legs were shaky, and I was a little bruised from my sudden faceplant, I was otherwise fine.

"Rose..."

"I'm fine, Liss. I want to continue." I frowned. Dimitri nodded and showed me the lifts and reps he wanted me to do before showing Lissa some basic kicks, punches and blocks. For awhile, I didn't pay attention to anything but what I was doing, forcing this stupid body into working with me. After awhile, however, I began to listen in and even watch what Dimitri and Lissa were doing.

"Not quite like that, Princess. Pivot your hips. No, the other way. There. Bring your arms in closer, like this. Yes, there you go. Bring them up a little higher – no no, too high. Little lower. Good, good. Now when you swing, swing with your entire body. Not just your arms." He guided. I paused in my lifting, my own muscles screaming at me for putting it through such foreign labour.

"It's all connected, Liss," I said, breathing harder than I'd like to admit. "It's not just your arms doing the work. You have to use your entire upper body, to give yourself power, while your lower body works on keeping your balance."

Dimitri nodded. "Rose, show her," he suggested. I had to wonder why he couldn't do it, but I was grateful for the break – even if that "break" was just a different form of work out. Maybe he was testing to see whether I could land a punch in this stupid Moroi body. I stood up and walked over to them, towards the practice dummies, and moved into position. Sliding my left leg forward (I was right handed) and bending my knees slightly, I bounced on the balls of my feet to test my legs. Because who knew how strong my legs were, how much they'd still hold me up, after everything today. I brought my arms up and aimed a couple good jabs at the dummy's abdomen, then another to his face, one reminiscent of the punch I gave Mia Rinaldi months ago. I added in a kick or two for good measure, joy spreading through me. Although I had lost a lot of my dhampir strength in the change over, I was still happy to note that my kicks were still stronger than my punches. At least some things didn't change.

When I finished, I turned back to Dimitri and Lissa, brushing an errant lock of hair out of my eyes. Lissa seemed intrigued, eager to try again, and Dimitri seemed a little more relaxed. Yeah, I guess that's all it was. He was just seeing how much I could still do. Which reminded me. "Hey, Comrade, are we going to do any training with stakes?" I asked. Considering we'd been working with them before the holidays, it made sense. To my dismay, however, the relaxed expression tensed up and he shook his head.

"No, she's not ready," Dimitri replied sternly, "and you're..."

"I can handle it," I argued, huffing.

"Rose, if you cut yourself with it..." Ahh, yeah I figured that was the problem.

"I can handle it," I repeated, firm. He shook his head, his eyes saying that this matter was not up for discussion. Like hell it wasn't.

"Not today, Rose. I don't want to risk it."

"But-!"

"Plus," Lissa added, interrupting me, "deny it all you want, but you're exhausted."

"It's nothing," I grumbled, looking away, "as a dhampir, this would have been just a warm up."

Dimitri sighed, "Rose, you're not a dhampir right now. You have to work within your body's limits." He glanced up at the clock and ran a hand through his hair. I glowered. "Take Lissa back to her dorm, Rose. Practice is done for today."

In a thoroughly pissed off mood now, I gave him a curt nod and reached for my bag. Before I could even touch it, however, Lissa had thrown it over her shoulders, giving me a firm look when I went to argue. If I had wanted to, I could have compelled her to give it back, but she would never use compulsion on me and I would never use compulsion on her. Plus, I really was too tired to argue, as much as I hated to admit it. So, with a dark look on my face to contrast Lissa's happy one, we headed out the door. I glanced up, relieved to note that the sun had already set and the sky was an evening blue.

"We should stop in and see Headmistress Kirova first," Lissa mused as we headed back towards the Moroi dorms, "to talk about the whole feeder issue." I grimaced at the reminder but nodded, changing my direction. As it was still fairly early in the Moroi day, we didn't bump into anyone. Well, except Eddie and Christian, who stared at us in shock. I groaned.

"C'mon," I said, "we're going to see Kirova. We'll explain along the way." They nodded, apparently too dumbstruck for words, and followed beside us. Lissa gave me a confused look, probably wondering why I didn't just compel them to forget, before glancing at Christian. I could see how nervous she was. She was probably experiencing what I had felt last night with Dimitri. Wordlessly, I tried to send encouraging feelings through the bond. It's not as easy as it sounds.

"They were going to find out eventually, Liss," I said out loud, "and if there's anyone I want on our side, aside from Dimitri and Alberta, it's them."

Christian finally tore his eyes from Lissa to look over at me. That seemed to startle him more than Lissa's appearance did. It made sense – as a dhampir, Lissa didn't look _too_ too different. She was still fairly pale, just a normal pale not a Moroi pale, still had the green eyes and blonde hair and the same face. Really, all that had changed was that she lacked fangs, was a little shorter, had gained more muscles, and now had the curves that many Moroi women desired. Me, on the other hand, I looked... very different. I still had my own face, still had my dark eyes and hair, but that was pretty much the only thing that hadn't changed. I was taller, taller than Eddie but not quite as tall as Christian, thinner despite my muscles, tanned for a Moroi but very pale for a dhampir, and of course had fangs. I'd seen Eddie take one look at the fangs and grow pale himself, no doubt remembering back to the house. Since then, I had been making a conscious effort to keep them hidden but, again, easier said than done. "Rose? Lissa? What happened?" He finally asked, "Why are you..."

I sighed, "Spirit. I was in her head while she was trying to get into my dreams and our best guess is that it caused some sort of Spirit backlash. So now Lissa is a shadow-kissed dhampir and I'm apparently a Spirit using Moroi. It happened last night. Kirova gave us a month to figure it out and change us back. If we don't figure it out by then, she's telling the Queen."

Eddie looked at me in confusion, "how did you manage to get her to give you that long? Last I heard, she wasn't really the type to do you any favours." I looked at Lissa guiltily.

"I... uh... may have accidentally figured out how to use compulsion." I admitted.

"It was an accident," Lissa affirmed, "but definitely a convenient one."

"I'll bet," Christian chuckled. He looked at me, "why don't you just try to reverse the process? Y'know, Lissa get inside your head while you're trying to reach Lissa's dreams."

Lissa looked thoughtful, but my expression darkened, "we don't know how much we can do yet. To do that, Lissa needs to be able to get in and out of my head at will, and I need to build up my strength in Spirit. I may have the same capabilities as Lissa – I have to, since that's the only way the bond would still be working – but compulsion alone still knocks me on my ass."

"So..." Eddie hedged, "why're we heading to Kirova? If she already knows, I mean."

This is where I grew uncomfortable. I hesitated, again looking at Lissa, unsure where to start. "Uh, well, being Moroi comes with an... unfortunate side effect. One she didn't necessarily count on..." I bit my lip, wincing at the fangs. Right. Forgot about those. Eddie blanched and Christian raised an eyebrow. Dammit, why could everyone do that but me?

"So I assume Lissa fed you last night, then."

Lissa and I both blinked, startled that he figured it out that fast. She looked at Christian, blushing. Wow. I forgot how weak a Moroi's blush really was. I had never seen her so red. "How'd you know?"

"Because," Christian shrugged, "Rose did it for you when you were gone. And, knowing you, you'd want to return the favour. It's your turn to take care of her, right?" She didn't respond. Neither did I. We didn't have to. He was right, and he knew it. Before anyone could say anything else, we arrived at Kirova's office and my eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

I had never noticed it before, but she had two Guardians outside her door. Why? Why was that necessary? She wasn't the Queen. They should have been doing other things, securing the school, teaching a class, whatever. Paranoid old hag. Lissa looked at me sharply and I glanced away. Right. Bond. I turned to them, taking a deep breath as I called the Spirit to me. It was getting a little easier, but Guardians were still Guardians and it was hard to compel one, let alone two. "Leave," I said firmly, putting as much power into my voice as I could without completely overwhelming myself, "Kirova's told you to take a break. There's nothing unusual about this. Don't come back until after... after third period. Forget you ever saw us." They nodded and left. I leaned against the wall, forcing myself to shake off the dizziness. Yep, Guardians were still Guardians.

"You okay?" Lissa frowned, touching my arm, "you know you shouldn't use that much Spirit." Eddie hovered nearby as I forced myself to stop leaning, ready to catch me if I stumbled or wavered, while Christian stared. He hadn't been expecting me to use compulsion, I guess. It almost made me laugh, if not for the absurdity of the situation. Seeing Eddie so protective left me feeling oddly conflicted. On one hand, he was taking his duty seriously, treating me as if I really was a Moroi, and that was sort of a good thing. It meant he'd be a good Guardian one day – but of course, I already knew that. On the other hand, he was treating me as if I was a Moroi and not Rose, and that annoyed me. He met my eyes and I relaxed slightly. Well, okay, maybe he still saw me as Rose. This was weird for him too.

"Yeah," I finally replied to Lissa, "I'm fine, Liss. Just a little tired. It's hard to gauge how much Spirit I need to compel. Compulsion isn't as easy as it looks, especially not with Guardians," I glanced over at Christian, giving him the approximation of an apology for my constant teasing of his shitty compulsion job. Sure, his compulsion really did suck, but I'd been so used to Lissa's ease at using it that I'd forgotten just how hard it actually was for most Moroi. The fact that he'd managed anything on a Guardian was pretty good. Not to say he didn't suck. Because he did. But still.

She nodded and, before anyone else could come by and force me to use more compulsion, we walked inside Kirova's office. To my amusement, she jumped in surprise, clearly startled by our presence. "Hathaway! Princess! What on earth are you doing here?" Oh, you know, just looking for a change in scenery. What a stupid question, what do you think we're doing here, you pretentious old hag. Lissa gave me another look, but I could tell she was trying not to laugh. Christian continued to watch us. It was kinda funny, really. Usually I was only in Kirova's office if I was in trouble. She seemed to notice Eddie and Christian a moment later, and if her drawn on eyebrows got any higher, I swear they would have flown away. "Mister Castile, Mister Ozera, why...?"

"They found us on the way, Headmistress," Lissa answered politely, "and it seemed pointless to compel them, considering I'm dating Christian and Eddie's one of Rose's closest friends. So we told them what happened."

"Very well," she pursed her lips. Lady, when your eyebrows are about to take off from your face, don't purse your lips. You look like... well, there really are no words to describe what you look like. Except maybe dumb. And constipated. "But that doesn't excuse your presence in my office."

"Yeah, well," I put my hands on my (sadly, slimmer) hips, using attitude to disguise my discomfort at this situation, "you kinda forgot an important problem in this transformation."

"Oh? Enlighten me, miss Hathaway, what problem would that be."

"I'm a Moroi," I pointed out. She rolled her eyes. Were Headmistreses even allowed to do that?

"Thank you for pointing out the obvious, miss Hathaway. Is that all?"

"Moroi drink blood," I continued, shifting slightly on my feet both in discomfort and, well, I was still kinda wavering. Eddie noticed and took a step closer. So did Lissa. I glared at them both, but neither one of them backed off. Ugh. Understanding dawned on Kirova's face and she sighed. Oh great.

"Mister Castile, would you be so kind as to bring Guardian Petrov and Guardian Belikov to my office? Mister Ozera, you can get Lord Ivashkov."

"Why can't they go?" Christian huffed. Like me, he didn't like being bossed around.

"It is the middle of the school day, mister Ozera," That was a bit of a stretch. It was only first period, "we want as few people to know about this ... _mishap_ as possible. Now go."

The next ten minutes of waiting were nearly unbearable. Kirova, once again, began to pace behind her chair, her eyebrows still looking as if they could fly away any second. Lissa hovered around me, worried that I'd pass out and it wasn't until I snapped at her and sat down that she stopped. Well, sort of. She pulled up a chair and sat beside me. God, was I like this? How annoying. Finally Alberta, Dimitri and Eddie arrived, with Adrian and Christian following only a few minutes behind. Adrian plopped down in the final seat, smirking at the two of us – damn him – while Dimitri, Eddie and Alberta took up positions against the back wall. Kirova's pacing continued, picking up speed. Dear lord I hope she'd fall through the floor soon. Or fly away. She was making me dizzy.

"It has come to my attention," she began, stopping suddenly to press both hands against her comfortable looking chair, "that we have overlooked Miss Hathaway's new... shall we say, _dietary_ needs." You mean, you have overlooked them.

Dimitri shifted, no doubt remembering me feeding from Lissa last night.

"So, this is how we will proceed. At 2pm every night, Lord Ivashkov, you will accompany one of the overnight feeders to Hathaway's dorm. Guardian Petrov, Guardian Belikov, each of you will take alternating shifts accompanying Lord Ivashkov. If you find anyone out of their beds, Lord Ivashkov, you must compel the to forget what they've seen. You must also compel the feeder to forget each night – at least, until Hathaway can use compulsion with little to no effect on herself or the Princess. Are we in agreement?" Alberta and Dimitri nodded, as did Adrian, although he seemed annoyed at being bossed around. I didn't blame him.

"Mister Ozera, Mister Castile, I'm sure you can appreciate the severity of this situation. If you feel the desire to talk to your classmates about miss Hathaway and Princess Vasilisa's... _situation,_ I urge you to exercise some restraint and refrain from doing so. This is something you must keep to yourselves."

Eddie and Christian nodded. What was with the high and mighty language? Yeesh.

"If that is all?" Lissa and I nodded, "then you may leave."

"I love how she thinks she can just tell me what to do," Adrian huffed, lighting a cigarette the moment we were outside. Alberta and Eddie went off to the novice classes – Alberta to teach and Eddie to learn – while Christian went off to his own classes. That left Dimitri, Adrian and Lissa to walk with me to my dorm.

"Well, I mean, it's not like she has a choice. You're the only one who can use compulsion without feeling really weak after. And she needs a Spirit user to take the feeder, just in case you do see someone." Lissa frowned.

Me? I was thinking about something else. "Hey, why are we all going to my room anyways?"

"Figured we'd see just how good your Spirit was, little dhampir," Adrian shrugged. Dimitri made no comment, but I could tell he was slightly weirded out by that entire statement. And yeah, it weirded me out too. I mean, being called little dhampir when I'm a Moroi? I appreciated the semblance of normality that Adrian was trying to offer, but it was still weird. I'm pretty sure Dimitri was only following to make sure I wasn't going to pass out or anything. I shrugged; what did I care? Not like I had classes anyways, right?

I grabbed a couple pillows and flopped down on the floor, leaning against my bed while Lissa followed beside me. Dimitri checked the windows and the doors and stood against the wall nearest me. Well, he did for a few minutes, before his curiousity finally took over and he began to actually look at my room. It reminded me of what my mom did when she first saw my room. And, with a start, I realised that yeah, Dimitri had never actually seen my room before. He ran his fingers over the books on animal behaviour, as well as the others on St. Vladimir and Anna that I had borrowed from the priest, looking at me in surprise. I shrugged, before a thought occurred to me; I wonder if this ever happened to Anna and St. Vlad? Lissa looked at me, no doubt surprised that neither one of us had thought to look. Adrian, after standing near the window for a few minutes, finally walked back over to us and sat down across from me.

"So we know you can use compulsion," Adrian said finally, "how many times have you used it so far?"

I paused. "let's see, there's the first time with Kirova. Then the dorm matron. Then the two Guardians outside Kirova's office. So that's three times. One Moroi and three dhampirs." He nodded.

"And how have you felt after each time?"

I blinked, "well, I didn't even notice when I compelled Kirova, so I felt fine. I felt like passing out after the dorm matron – but then again, I had tried to compel her to forget," that, and I hadn't fed, "and I'm still tired from the Guardians outside Kirova's office. Still weak. But... I'm otherwise fine, I think. It's getting a little easier."

"So you've got compulsion down," Adrian nodded, "basically. I guess we should see if you can heal."

I frowned, "but no one's hurt." Well, except me and my bruises from this morning's faceplant. I paused all thoughts when Adrian raked his nails along his arm, drawing blood. I yelped, nearly falling over in my shock. "Adrian, what the hell?! Are you insane?" What a dumb question. Yet, I couldn't help but stare at it. "You're an idiot, you know that?" I muttered. Why did he do that? It probably hurt a lot. I hated it. He was a Moroi. An asshole, a bit of a pest, but still a Moroi. I was supposed to protect them from getting hurt. And yet, there he was, bleeding. I couldn't allow that. I had to do something – they come first, they aren't supposed to hurt and bleed. Not when I'm supposed to be a Guardian.

"Rose?"

A surge of warmth spread through me. Not just warmth, but a blissful fire that made all the nerves in my body tingle as it swirled inside. There were no words to describe such an intoxicating feeling. It was light and love and beauty and joy and music and power. It swirled and sang within me, leaving my heart aching. It overwhelmed me. It was euphoria, better than any feeling I'd ever felt before. I reached, shakily, for the self-inflicted injuries, felt the golden feeling swell up and burst forth from me.

And then, just as suddenly as it appeared, the feeling was gone. So were the marks.

"Holy shit." I whispered, staring down at his arm as a wave of dizziness replaced the warmth. I leaned against the bed, glancing over at Lissa, then Dimitri, then Adrian in shock. "Did... Did I do that?"

Lissa looked at me in surprise, "it feels different through the bond. Did you know that? Not as powerful as when it is first hand."

I blinked, "explains why I didn't recognise the feelings. Wow." I blinked away tears, feeling ashamed at my weakness. Dimitri reached into my mini cooler and brought over a granola bar and a can of coke. I looked at him in thanks and immediately started on the granola bar, suddenly ravenous.

"Did you know," Lissa added, "that when you use Spirit, your eyes change?"

"Well, yeah," I shrugged, "it's the same way with Moroi. Your eyes take on a more intense look. Christian's eyes burn like blue fire when he's using his magic."

"It's different," Dimitri said slowly, looking at me, "because your eyes take on a golden look. You can see the Spirit in your eyes." Huh.

"Weird." I said, "so... now what. We know I can heal – or at least, we know I can heal minor things – and we know I can use compulsion... what are the other things Lissa can do. Could do. Revive plants, right?"

Adrian nodded, but Lissa shook her head, "no more Spirit for you tonight. You're exhausted, and don't you say you're fine because I can feel you, Rose." I sighed.

"Well, we have to do something," I pointed out. She nodded, mulling it over.

"Why don't you teach me to get inside your head?" I paused. Oh yeah. I guess that was important too.

Nodding, I tried to recall back to when I first needed to get into her head. I'd been in class. She'd been using compulsion. Whose class had I been in? Stan's class? It was after the bloodwho– no wait. That was wrong. There was an earlier time. I'd been spying on her and Christian. Lissa glared at me but I ignored it. I needed to remember everything. It was after Christian set Ralf on fire. I'd been doing... homework? Yeah, I was doing homework, and I felt Lissa being... sneaky. Let's see... I'd been staring off into space, trying to get a feel for what she was doing. I released the mental wall, ignoring my own thoughts and focusing on her. Cleared my head. She looked over at me, and I realised that there needed to be a... catalyst to make it happen. I glanced around the room before my eyes fell on Dimitri. Well. There was one way.

Lissa blushed.

"No, not that!" I laughed, my own cheeks heating up, "besides, everyone in the room knows now, right?" Dimitri looked at me in confusion. Still, I wanted to use that as a last resort. I mean, it may have been – more or less – out in the open now between Lissa, Adrian, Dimitri and I, but I really would have preferred not to broadcast it. That was a little embarrassing. But, really the only other thing I could think of was – oh. That might work. It was horrible, and I didn't want to do it, but it might work. Lissa gave me a sympathetic look and I stood up, shakily. "I'm going over to the window," I said, "if you manage to get in, say something, and I'll see how long I can keep you there. Or, well, how long you can stay in. Really, it's something you gotta learn for yourself, how to get in and out." Adrian snickered at my choice in words and I glanced over at him, glaring. What a child.

She nodded and I walked over to the window, resting my cheek against the cold glass. Dimitri came and stood nearby, though he didn't touch me. Still, his presence calmed me, and that was good enough. My heart pounded as I recalled my escape from the Spokane house. The anxiety I felt as I realised we could use magic. The sudden terror I felt when I thought Christian had misunderstood. The agony of the wrist cuffs burning and melting into my flesh – I heard a gasp – jumping the guards, Mason... I felt my eyes tear up and my throat catch as I remembered how brave he'd been, how it'd been all my fault, but I forced myself to continue. I didn't know how long it'd take Lissa to get in, I needed to give her as much material as I could. I remembered scouting with Mason, the joy I felt when I realised we'd escape, the appearance of the Strigoi, the realisation that I was going to die, my attack on Isaiah and Elena, Mason and the others escaping, Isaiah's annoying speech – somewhere, I swear I heard my name being called, but I was too lost in the memories – Mason returning, trying to drag the attention from him, and then... Isaiah snapping his neck like he was nothing, tossing him aside, Mia's water magic, killing the Strigoi, protecting Mason...

"Rose."

That voice. _'Rose. Drop the sword. Rose.'_

"Roza," a hand rested on my shoulder, dragging me from my personal nightmare, my hell. Slowly, just as I had in the house, I became aware of my surroundings. "It's okay," he said gently, just as he had back then, "everything's going to be okay. You're not there anymore." I realised then that I was shaking and crying, silent tears rolling down my cheeks. He wrapped his arms around me and I clung to him – I know I shouldn't have, but in that moment, I needed his strength, needed him like I needed to breathe. He tightened his grip on me. I wiped the tears from my eyes, looking over at Adrian and Lissa. Adrian was studying our auras, a surprisingly somber expression on his face, while Lissa... wasn't blinking. Weird. Is that what I looked like, when I was in her head? She was crying, too, tears rolling down her cheeks as she, no doubt, experienced everything just as I had. She was still in my head, though, so I tried to give her another memory. Preferably a happier one. Well, that was my reason if anyone asked. In reality, I just needed a better memory. I glanced up at Dimitri, thinking back to the bloodwhore rumours, the training. _"it won't happen to you"_ he'd said, _"you're too... it won't happen to you."_ the massaging of salve into my skin, talking about his father, holding my hands, him beating up his father – I could feel a grin spread across my face, remembering back to when everything was, more or less, simple – and my comment _"you really are a god."_ I remembered that warm feeling between us, the way he suddenly reached out to touch my hair, hold it, _"wear it up."_ And then, I remembered waking up in the nurse's office, him waiting for me to wake up, _"presents?"_, the necklace – my expression warped. On one hand, well, the lust charm was definitely a pleasant memory. On the other hand, the circumstances most definitely weren't – the lipgloss that had made me happier than it really should have, the hug, him resting his hands on my lower back, the gentle caress of his fingers on my cheek, my hair, that desire to kiss him... Dimitri ran a hand through my hair, no longer holding me as close but still keeping his other hand on my shoulder, just in case I needed his support. I smiled up at him, knowing my cheeks would be red, and seeing Lissa's own cheeks rather red. At least I didn't think about the lust charm. Or that kiss before the holidays. I brought my hands up to brush away the last of my tears and forced myself to calm down, close my eyes and take deep breaths.

_That's enough,_ I thought gently, _Now focus on getting out. Put up that mental wall, I know you can do it._

I knew it'd be easier if I was calm, and I more or less was. We were only practicing the basics right now. Her getting in when I'm in turmoil and getting out when I'm calm. Maybe another time we could practice her getting in when I'm calm and getting out – or staying out – when I'm emotional. But that was hard, even for me, so I didn't want to overwhelm her. I glanced over at her and saw the light return to her eyes, watch her blink a few times. There. Without a word, she'd practically thrown herself into my arms, causing me to stumble back into Dimitri. Lissa whimpered.

"I'm so sorry," she choked, "about Mason. I never... that..." I fought back my own tears again. No. I didn't need to go through that again. Not so soon after the last one. I patted her shoulder, trying to calm her down.

"I-It's okay, Liss. It's okay. It's over now."

"I'd been so jealous. When you took Mia and not me. I was so selfish..."

"It's alright..."

Adrian approached us, and for a bizarre moment I thought he was going to join in the domino-esque embrace. That would have been... odd to say the least. Instead, he stood nearby, silent for a moment as if to gather his thoughts. "Have I ever explained your aura to you, little dhampir?" he asked. I groaned. Oh god. Not another trip to Crazyville.

"Yeah, a few times. Shadows and shit. Except probably not right now, since I'm not shadow-kissed." Adrian seemed to agree with this statement, but only partially.

"Well, yes and no. You still have a trace of shadows, but they more orientate to Lissa now. And Lissa still has traces of gold, but they're more around you. But that's not what I mean. It's just interesting how yours... connect. When you're near each other, it's like... your auras reach out for each other. Brush against each other, like two cats rubbing their scents on the other. And the shadows in your aura right now, Rose, they go towards Lissa. Usually through the top. Your auras are especially connected through the head. It's interesting to watch, They press against each other, perfect mirrors. Especially when she was in your head. Hers were more muted, but she shared the same colours as you. The same sorrow, the same joy..." He shook his head, glancing between Dimitri and I now, "it's very interesting."

I shuddered a little, "I... see. I think I need to sit down now, though." I muttered, pulling away from Dimitri and Lissa to go sit down on my cushion and lean against the bed. My head was hurting – nothing too serious, it just meant I was tired – and I was still rather weak after everything today. Between the physical training, the compulsion, the healing, and now the memories... I really just needed to sleep. Or feed. But I didn't want to do that.

"Rose..."

I shook my head, not bothering to open my eyes to look at her. "No, Liss."

"But-"

"I said no." I growled, "I'm not going to pass out," I doubted that, "so I can wait the... however many hours until tonight."

"Adrian, help me out."

This time I did open my eyes, glaring at them both. A dark rage stirred inside me, surprising me. Already? "No," I growled, standing up to stare them both in the eyes. I wasn't going to use compulsion, but I was sure as shit going to make sure they saw it my way, "this is my body, these are my choices. If I say I don't want to, then I don't want to and you can't make me. Neither of you can. So just fuck off, got it?" I snapped. Lissa flinched and took a step back, no doubt feeling the darkness inside me. "I might have more limitations than I'm used to, but I'll deal with them in my own way. If I want to push myself, I will. If I want to avoid feeding as long as possible, I will and there is nothing, absolutely _nothing,_ you can do about it."

"Rose. Take a deep breath." Dimitri urged, taking a step towards me. I turned my glare on him.

"Will you stop treating me like I'm a Moroi?!" I practically yelled. He froze. Once again I was trembling, this time with rage and not sorrow or fear. But, oddly enough, the anger started to fade. I didn't understand it – how could anger just disappear? Then i glanced over at Lissa and knew. I felt a spark of anger, but nothing like that ugly rage from before. "Lissa, I told you not to do that."

She shrugged, grabbing my coke and taking a sip. "Yeah, well, you needed to stop, and it was obvious you weren't going to see reason," she said bitterly. I bit my lip, glancing at Dimitri in concern. I hoped she wasn't going to snap, like I had. Through the bond, I sent calming words. _Deep breaths, Liss, deep breaths. Don't let it control you._

I sat down again, closing my eyes. Now my head was really throbbing. "I think..." I murmured, "I think that's enough Spirit for today. What time is it?"

Dimitri looked down at his watch, "11:30." I was shocked.

"It's Lunch already?" How had we spent three hours on doing basically nothing? It hadn't seemed that long... how long had Lissa been in my head? I glanced at her and she seemed surprised too. I jumped as there was a knock on my door, looking around in alarm. Neither Lissa nor I could answer the door, for obvious reasons. Dimitri couldn't answer the door because no one would exactly be pleased to see my mentor in my bedroom. And Adrian being in my room would probably have the same effect.

"Rose, let us in. We have food."

Christian.

**Wow. I can't believe how much of a positive response this has gotten so far. The chapters for this may be slow to update - they're long chapters, and I only have the third one prewritten and I'm actually at a lost at what to do for the third. I'm thinking that, though it's going to try and stick to the timeline of the original books, it may veer off into its own world. However, as soon as this story is done, I ****_do_**** plan on doing a sequel of sorts, set into the future with the next generation. Anyways, hopefully it won't take too long for me to get out. **

**Luna**


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